HOW TO FIX YOUR negative self talk

The Importance of Positive Thoughts

You have reached this article because you could not accept your reality as it is, so you came looking for change. Beautiful job! First, I want to assure you that you are not alone. The brain has a built-in negativity bias, meaning we are hardwired to be extra sensitive to negative experiences. Since you experience "self-talk" or an internal dialogue all day and night, your inner world gets the brunt of this negativity bias. Thus, negative self-talk appears. Demonstrating a desire to work on this shows an immense amount of initiative on your part.

Examples of Negative Self-Talk

Fixing negative self-talk is about increasing your "self-efficacy". This means "an individual's belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments".

For example, if you catch yourself saying "Nothing has worked for me", "I can't stick to diets", "Why does everything bad happen to me?" "I'm so unlucky," or you give up easily/avoid hard tasks altogether, then you probably have low self-efficacy. You believe that outside forces are responsible for how your life currently runs, or you don't trust yourself enough to succeed. It is true that bad things happen to us for no apparent reason sometimes, but are you going to use those parts of life for empowerment or disempowerment?

Or, conversely, you find that you are too hard on yourself and blame yourself for things that are out of your control, not taking into account all of the factors that can lead us to success or failure. For example, you don't like the way your physique looks, but you have a busy life with minimal time to work out and a lot of people depending on you, so you attribute that to a personal failure rather than a temporary scheduling issue.

The brain is essentially a fatty data center, built for pattern recognition, memory storage, knowledge attainment, understanding, and sensory output. It can help make our wildest dreams come true, and it can also make our lives a living nightmare. This is because our conscious mind works like a filter. If you choose to focus on your negative experiences and emotions more than you focus on your successes, your mind will get stuck in that feedback loop. So, if you don't believe you can achieve your goals, you won't. Or if you believe a task will be impossible or too challenging, that reality will play itself out in front of you.

We build neural pathways with every thought and emotion we experience. In order to combat this, you have to get comfortable being uncomfortable because now, you have to build new ones.

You have to push past your perceived limitations. Notice when your mood shifts and what thoughts are responsible for the shift. Start small and set your intention to take control of negative thoughts as they arise and decide that you are going to live from a space of intention, not positivity (*baby steps*).

To practice this, you could start by saying or writing something harmless like "I'm going to have a good day today" or "I'm going to try my best today". That's setting your intention. Make it realistic so you feel as if there is a kernel of truth to it. Don't say something like "I'm never going to think negatively again", because that's just not going to happen. It's not about erasing the thoughts; it's about consciously swerving around them as they arise.

Notice all of the thoughts (cough excuses cough) that come up trying to talk you out of the intention you set throughout the day. Practice acknowledging those thoughts, then banishing them with a swift kick, and then doing little things throughout the day that are aligned with your goals. If you talked yourself out of success that day, don't beat yourself up because all you can do is be better tomorrow or ask for support. 

Examples for How to Reframe Negative Self-Talk

Some other helpful strategies include:

1. Gratitude Journaling: Writing down 5 things you are grateful for that day and noticing more.

2. Getting Light Exercise: Something magical happens when you work up a light sweat. Cells called myokines, or "The Hope Molecule", make you feel more confident, capable, and happier with light muscle contractions. A short 5-minute walk is enough to stimulate this response.

3. Look for evidence: Instead of looking for evidence of failure (which we will always find), look for evidence of success (which is just as prevalent). For example, if you feel insecure or unconfident before an interview, think about a time you got the job or you hit a presentation out of the park. Focus on that positive feeling for as long as you need to change your inner dialogue.

4. Use the buddy system: If you have a companion that you talk to every day, start doing a positive debrief. Ask each other questions like "What were the best parts of your day?" or "What are you looking forward to most today?". Questions like these help change the filter of your conscious mind.

   
   

Your unique journey is what makes you undeniably you, though! I know you can do this because you have limitless potential. Let me know if you found this post helpful and what strategies you like to use if I've missed any.

Best in Health,

Coach Nai